Dropping Toxic People From Your Life

In this life, we meet all sorts of people.   Hopefully, we have someone close enough to us as a life-mate that we can trust with our life and future.   And then we have close friends, also trustworthy in times of adversity and there to genuinely celebrate life’s little joys with us.  Beyond that, we hopefully have cultivated an even larger circle of acquaintances, with whom we’ve fostered a good reputation as a decent person.  Among these,
we learn from and contribute to their lives whenever we can.  We make their life better in some way, and they do the same for us.

And then.. there are the selfish, insulting, demanding people in our lives who periodically roll in like a foul storm.  They contribute little, if anything, to our joy in life.  They come with a list of demands, commands or complaints.  They can rarely be known forever giving you a word of encouragement or compliment of any kind.  They make it clear that if you do not agree to their every foolish statement or cater to their demands that they will leverage whatever manipulation upon you necessary to get their way.  They are in every sense of the word, Selfish.

They do what they do from this one motive.  It is not that you are as stupid or impatient as they claim.  It is that you did not meet their needs well enough or fast enough to their liking.  It is not that you have a problem, it is that they are at odds with everyone in their path who doesn’t give them what they want.  Selfish people are only happy under one set of circumstances.. when they are getting what THEY want.  Your joys or struggles mean little or nothing to them.  How they can use you or what they can get from you is their only true concern.

So how do these selfish people end up in our lives?  Sometimes they are family.   Sometimes they are ‘friends’.. though you’d be hard-pressed to define in what way they ever treat you as a friend.  Sometimes they are the very spouse we married at a young and foolish age.  They could be a co-worker or a neighbor that ‘just won’t go away’.

And what do we usually do with such people?  Well, we try to be civil.  We try being patient.  We try offering them love or kindness hoping that in time they will be influenced to treat us the same way in return.  But it rarely works, or for very long.  

What I have found over the years is that taking  ‘the high road’ by way of being patient with such people is fine as a first response.  But it is not a wise long-term response.  Just as children need to hear the response, “No.” from a parent.. these people need to hear the word, “No.” in response to their behavior.  They need to hear in a very clear way that you will not tolerate their rudeness, insults or unwanted criticisms.  Then you give them a chance to change.  Just like a child, if left without discipline that child will not understand that there are limits or consequences.  That child will become worse, not better if left unchecked for their behavior.  It is no different with these selfish, demanding people who gain entry into our lives under the pretense of family or friendship.  Real family, real friends do not treat each other as they do.

There is a quote from a poem which says, “Beware the fury of a patient man.”  (– J. Dryden)  Perhaps we are more familiar with the saying, “It was the last straw to break the camel’s back.”.   Either way, there comes a time.. and there SHOULD come a time, when we finally say, “Enough!”.  We are done.  We are finished.  We are at the end of our patience and have none left for that person.  The only way we can go on and seek a tranquil life is to live a life WITHOUT them in it.  We don’t need to prove or say anything.  We don’t need their approval or permission.  We are simply ‘done’ having any more interaction with them.  No more conversations.  No more phone calls.  No longer welcome in our home.  It’s the end of the road, time for them to take their little show of horrors down the road because it’s not welcome in your living space anymore.

And this is what you will find once you have reached that point… Relief.  You will be relieved that you are no longer under the yoke of trying to satisfy their every childish whim to avoid their anger.  You will be relieved at no longer ‘walking on egg-shells’ in order to keep the peace.  You will be relieved that you can focus your time and mind to the many other wonderful and grand things that life has to offer.  There are other people in this world who still value common courtesy, mutual respect and kindness.  They make your life better, not harder.  They appreciate your assistance.  There are beautiful places to enjoy in this world, many of them only a thirty-minute drive away.  Parks, beaches, mountains, rivers, cities, museums.. so many OTHER things you can do with this short life you have that are 100% more beneficial to your soul than the time wasted putting up with nonsense from a selfish, life-sucking person who will never be satisfied.

My encouragement to you this day is.. draw that line.  It requires no confrontation.  Don’t wait for ‘the last straw’.  Just know that you have given your share of effort to find peace with that person and with no results.  Set the ringtone for their number to ‘silent’.  Send their emails to Spam.  Block them on Facebook.  Cut the ties in every way.  They must learn there are consequences to their actions, and one of those consequences is losing a decent person such as yourself out of their life.  Perhaps, just perhaps.. they may learn and treat what remaining decent people are in their lives better.  

But don’t count on it.  Leave a fool to his own foolishness.  Keeping them in your vicinity is just asking for more insult and harm in your future.  You know who that person is already.  You have a life to live and with life already hard enough as it is.. you don’t need them making it even harder.

So, do your future a favor.. and ‘move on’ to better choices in how to spend what short and grand a life you have in front of you. Cut the energy-vampires out of your life and feel their weight fall from your back as you move on to better, bigger things in life.

Author: MGTAT-Reekay

After retiring at the age of 49 from the hamster-wheel existence of the Western lifestyle, I have lived an adventure as a traveling expat in Southeast Asia since 2012. Primarily in the Philippines and Vietnam. My primary Youtube channel (LifeBeyondTheSea) now has over 14 million views and I have done hundreds of consultations online helping men find solutions to their retirement and dating situations. To set up a Facetime consultation use the Facetime tab at the site menu-bar.

One comment

  1. Simply put, humans are flawed, even the good ones. My rule has always been, ok, they’re human too. We are all same, our core is same. Allow others to be, as attempting to change or argue with another usually causes stress. I rarely had an argument with my xwife, since I understood she had a butt load of toxic mental baggage ready to explode. I wasn’t perfect either. State your claim or opinion and smile. Another wards, draw a line and stay within your comfort zone. Best to know where your stress boundaries lie during exchange and guidelines for discourse at or near the beginning of a relationship. It’s not their job to make you happy, that job is your responsibility. If you allow toxic people in your life, that is your fault and your problem. You are always in control of all chaos, and be respectful to all others, because they know not, how they come off to others. Most people are unconscious of their negativity towards others. They have been bruised somehow in the past, as they unleash their asswholeness. If you’re smart, you won’t be caught up in their turmoil.
    Best to choose friends who uplift your energy.

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